We are a civilisation divided between those whom love and those whom fuck, people may try to convince you that these things are interchangeable, that it’s not a one or the other game but in fact I see a distinct line….. and to be honest I don’t know which is better?
So which would you want? The answer is obvious right? I fell in love once, true love, the kind of love you see in movies (a movie where the perfect woman falls for a broken psycho in the midst of a mental breakdown….. but I’m high functioning (like a heavily disabled guy working at McDonald’s)). I loved to love her… maybe more than I actually loved her to be honest.
So where’s the dilemma?? The problem is if I love I don’t fuck!!!…. you don’t! Sex turns from this nasty exciting beautifully ugly thing to prim and proper, gentle, gentle snooze fest where the woman feels a subconscious commitment to open up wide and think of brighter moments and the guy is just using the woman in his bed to place one of his least deserved and worked for of loads inside.
It’s sad but it’s true, for me I know that I was giving my worst performance, I know that it wasn’t the funnest of experience, it wasn’t even deserved or worked for…. she felt like it was her job as a loving partner and I was obviously deserving of her perfect body.
I could almost see it in her eyes that she wanted me to fuck her, fuck her like I didn’t care, fuck her like it was the last time I’d ever cum! If a woman says she doesn’t have fantasies she’s lying…. if she says that her fantasies are anything like the mundane bullshit you’re churning out in that same bed, in that same position…. she is also lying.
It’s true right? She’s imaging dirty steamy fucking like she saw in those romcoms she makes you watch.
I loved that woman with all my mental, fucked up little heart and she was my world but to my life I can only think of a few times I ever really really fucked her, that I ever really made it worth her while being there with me.
Since she left…. I’ll be honest I’ve been on shall we call it a journey of self repair, not just sexually but that’s a big part of it.
There has been a parade of liberated open for business sexual partners…. I honestly don’t understand how people struggle with this stuff but we can discuss this another day.
The one thing that has stood out is that I’ve not “made love” to a single one, I’ve fucked, I’ve nailed, I’ve even set out for destruction at times (in a good way), I did porn (it’s out there you just have to find it), fantasies and role play, exhibitionism….. all sorts to make this the most satisfying and intense moment of our lives….. but the one thing that went out of the boring little window was making love.
I guess I’ve learnt something about the females of this world recently, if you love her then fuck her, at least sometimes…. I loved every single inch of my girl but I never spent the time to give it everything it wanted, I never satisfied every one of those inches…. not in the way I should have.
My guess is that in the months maybe years to come when I meet that person I don’t want to run from that I will be in that same position throwing the least satisfying of moves at a bored housewife whom if she’s honest just wants to go to bed.
As always I Love all of you fucking weirdos, you make me feel at human again x