Why all the bullshit?

Why the bullshit? Why the nicely nicely attitude? Why do we bother? How many hours of your life have been wasted not saying or doing what you want to spare others I’ll feeling?

I have been thinking of this a lot recently, I’ve wasted my life fearful of reactions, I’ve ruined relationships telling people what they wanted to hear rather than what needed to be said. But why? Why does someone else’s opinion deserve so much attention in your head?

I heard on a song recently “what someone thinks of you is none of your business” and it’s true. I have people that I love with all of my heart but have deeply hurt and to be honest I dread to think what their opinion of me is…. but what does that matter? What can I do about it? I’ve apologised, I have tried to make a Mense, I tried to fix it…. but it didn’t work and now realistically I have no impact in what they think of me. I have no right to even consider it really.

So back to the question why is there so much stock placed in other peoples opinion of you? I weirdly have so much respect for those people that everyone hates like Katie Hopkins…. I think she’s a deplorable human but she truly doesn’t care what you or anyone thinks she is still saying and doing what she desires.

Maybe it’s a moral thing? Maybe without any social fear society would break down and our race would be fucked. Would it end up like some kind of mad max/ purge scene where people live lawless lives… or maybe we would all be happier and live a more open and honest life?

I guess we won’t know, I hope my son doesn’t live with these fears, I hope he grows up to be honest…. not just not lying but open with his thoughts and feelings.

For now why don’t we all just try…. well… not giving a fuck? I’m not saying don’t consider others, I’m not saying hurt others but you know what… for once put yourself first, do what your heart tells you, have faith that you understand what’s right and wrong. If you let your moral compass guide you instead of consistently seeking guidance you might find some crazy brutally selfish happiness… a true comfortability and confidence with who you really are… it could be beautiful.

Or maybe you’ll lose everyone in your life, your job, your possessions… who knows? I will say I’d rather risk it all for true happiness than live another day holding back through fear.

But let’s be honest I still might just pussy out and continue being that same cowardly dreg of a human I always have been when I’m asked if her ass looks fat.

As always I love you fellow freaks.

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