So the last 6 months have been hard, really hard…. harder than I ever thought things could be but one thing really got me through, I had a goal. As much as at times I wanted to sit in a dark room and cry, I was given a focus, a mission!!! I occupied my free time on my mission and set myself a mind set that “I could wallow and heal my broken little heart when it was completed”.
I don’t really have the kind of job you can throw yourself into, it’s not really like that so when you’re off you’re off. I also had what can only be described as quite intense high volume amounts of counselling…. I fucking needed it, mental little twat I was.
That was sort of my mission at one point… but for all of the wrong reasons, I got sick and I did lots of odd things, I was a massive asshole and I truly regret what I became… but once that was over (it took bad things happening to get to that point) my mind was reset, I’d never be like that again… so yes I had to try and fix my mind, yes I had to follow a program and I truly do believe it worked… I’m not completely better but I’m not mental anymore…. least not in the way I was…. so really it wasn’t the right mission.
My little mission came in the form of being forced into doing standup, I was at the pub (drinking to forget the madness) with my friend and he just turned and said “mate you’re fucking hilarious, I’ve signed you up to do an open mic next week” I was fuming at first but he agreed to do it too so I just laughed it off and ended up preparing myself for it.
It was a shit venue, it was basically a country pub and most of the acts sucked… I won though (competition wasn’t high), i won the grand prize of a tiny trophy and 4 beers….. I gave the trophy to my pal as a reminder I’ll always be funnier than him… I kept the beer.
It was actually awesome doing it though and being mental gave me loads of material, I actually had so much to say and much like this blog I found it cathartic to tell it…. obviously there’s more thought to the show and it actually has to be funny.
I have my first big show at one of the UKs biggest and best known comedy clubs coming up and preparation is banging on now… don’t get me wrong, I have the shittest slot in a midweek event…. I’m not exactly taking the comedy world by storm but the mission is in full swing and I sleep better, I eat better, I don’t think about all of the traumatic things and dead people that really plagued me for so many years and I’m thinking about my ex less too…
I’m curtain that lot of the healing is because I’ve been in therapy…. I’ve truly worked hard at sorting my head out and I’m just getting better but I’m sure this has helped…. plus therapy won’t get me a Netflix special…. neither will my shit jokes haha.
have a reason to be… even if it doesn’t fucking matter. Who gives a shit it’s your mission.
Love always x