So I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot. It came about because I’m looking to give away a kidney (they call it a living donor) and people kept telling me I’m a hero. So let’s lay it on the table….. I’ve saved lives on a good few occasions (im a fireman so of course I’ve had the chance to do that) but am I a hero? Most certainly fucking not… if I’m honest with myself I think I’m a villain! I don’t mean to be but let’s be honest if heaven and hell exist I’m fairly confident I’m heading south.
So I did a little googling about what makes people hero’s, all of them talk about bravery. I call bullshit. I truly believe that bravery is something everyone has, it’s just getting to the point where you actually exhibit it.
Courage…. but courage is subjective. It’s hard to define really. On the surface I am the most courageous person I know, fearless in-fact but scratch a little deeper and I’m a coward. Isn’t everyone? Like I’d risk my life to save one… in-fact I would die to save another if I had to. I know I would because I’ve been in that situation and I have laid my life on the line for another…. I obviously didn’t die… Spoiler alert…. but when other things meant a lot to me and I faced true loss I was a coward.
I think more than that is that there are things in life I consider more valuable than my life, yes I could march on to death with a smile on my face (in the background I’m freaking but they always say “never let them see you flinch”) but there were things that I couldn’t lose.
Selfless…. I am most certainly not selfless, like most I try to be but I’ve hurt people, especially when I was sick, and it was all because I was selfish.
But I’d love to have been a more selfless person.
A genuinely good person…. don’t make me fucking laugh, I’m a freaking monster let’s face it… but I’m reasonably good looking and good at being funny so people often overlook it.
I genuinely see heroism in the strangest of places. To me I have many hero’s, my dad is one, he’s a pain and so hard to deal with… but he’s amazing. My son, such a beautiful soul, he truly is all of the best parts of me…. and my ex, the most courageous person I’ve ever met and as I’ve said in older posts I truly think she saved my life.
I saw a homeless man the other day, he was obviously homeless and had nothing but I saw him go and share what little money he had with a young boy who was living in a doorway… I think he was a hero. I went and got him a tea and sandwich and then couldn’t find him…… he was so giving he even accidentally gave me his lunch in the end.
I don’t know if I’m just a worse person than most but I truly feel pride when I look around and realise how many good people there are surrounding me. It’s worth just taking a moment and witnessing the love around in this world.